Working in retail is one thing, but working at a Walmart is a whole other experience. These employees share the craziest thing they’ve seen go down at a Walmart.
The Most Wonderful Show On Earth
“I saw a dwarf security guard take a flying leap into and beat the living snot out of a 60-year-old man in a Hawaiian shirt who was trying to steal about $600 worth of steak.
The steak guy did this once a month or so. He would just fill up his shopping cart with steaks, briskets, pork ribs, etc, head up to the front, act like he was going to check out, then barrel through the exit doors and dump it into a waiting truck.
They never got a clear plate and were trying to catch him in the act.
I was working my counter and heard behind me ‘Sir don’t do it. Just step away from the cart.’ Walmart security is plainclothes and has no legal authority. They can detain you, and defend themselves, but they can’t restrain you. You can leave whenever you want. (I believe from what I remember).
So I turn around and I see this guy with the shopping cart full of steaks, and he’s looking cagey as heck. He’s starting to stammer and come up with excuses while simultaneously trying to play it off.
‘Sir just come with us, please. Let go of the cart sir.’ The guard trying to get him calm was the head of security there. He was a chill guy in his 30s but built like a brick house. You might think he was chubby if you looked at him. You wouldn’t dream he could bench like 340+ lbs.
So the steak guy, he makes his break. He tries to blow past chubs McMuscles, and they end up going into a stack of DVDs.
Then came Eric.
Eric was a…I’m honestly not sure he would qualify as a dwarf, perhaps just a guy with a growing disability. He was about 4 feet tall, max. He would look like a 12-year-old except for the fact that he was completely yolked. He was one of those just ‘itching for action’ type guys. He seemed like he had something to prove.
So MuscleChubs and Steak Guy are now down in the DVDs, and steak guy goes to get up, and here comes eric. I’m probably wrong, but I swear in my mind I heard ‘nyyyyyYAYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!’ and the little dude lept through the air, both feet out, and just cannonballed this guy in the chest feet first. He went down again. I heard chubs yell ‘Eric No!’ as he scrambled onto the guy’s chest, and just started THROWIN little hands into this dude’s face. Just wham wham wham wham wham.
This is….not what they teach you to do in Walmart security (loss prevention I think is the official department). Eric was fired pretty much immediately. Walmart got sued, and they’d have been better off just letting the guy run out with the steaks.
But boy what a show.”
Back In The Day…
“I used to work for a cellphone carrier at a little folding table near the front door of Wal-Mart. This was 15-20 years ago when Wal Mart themselves did not sell phones. Way back before phones went digital, and in most parts of the country, there were only 2 carriers to choose from. I was selling Motorola flip phones and BAG phones. So this was a while back. I moved from store to store around a medium-sized metro area, with about eight Walmarts in town.
Anyway, this particular day I was stationed at a Wal Mart in a very ghetto part of town. One of those places where loss prevention had loads of staff and merch was still getting stolen all the time. It was a lively place to be. As it happened a tropical storm was rolling into town. Two to three in the afternoon, overcast and a bit dark outside, and the power goes out. Now, these days there would be immediate battery backup lights that kick on, but back then there was a generator, and it took a good two min before it self started and the lights came back on. The other thing worth mentioning is this was an older store, built in the ’80s. So lower ceilings than the modern ones, and back before they put skylights everywhere. The point is, it was PITCH BLACK on that building for a good couple of minutes.
Now, you remember back in grade school when the power would go out and everyone in the class would just start screaming because they could? Well, it was like that. I was about 20 yards into the building sitting at a little card table just past the little hot dog stand/restaurant place (remember them?). and the roar of noise was deafening and immediate. And then, after about 20 seconds, people seemed to realize that the lights were not going to come right back on, and there was opportunity afoot. And it happened. Seemingly all at once, near every customer in the building grabbed a handful of whatever they were standing next to and made a run for the door.
It was and still Is one of the craziest things I have ever seen. I was sitting next to a little half-height wall (that surrounded the seating for the hot dog place) and close enough to the door that I was not in total darkness, so everyone was running past me and not into me. And I literally had front row seating for this whole thing. For 30 seconds it was just streams of people, dragging all kinds of junk along with them, while the two security guys who work the front door were frantically trying to stop them and grabbing at whatever they were carrying. Someone grabbed two of the display model phones off my little table as he went past (they were empty shells with a weight inside so no real loss).
Two minutes later the lights all kicked back on, and it was just me, the employees, and a few retirees who were all looking a bit dazed by the whole thing. And all the clothes racks had been knocked over, stuff was EVERYWHERE. Some idiot had managed to pull the whole rack of bicycles off the wall in the toy section. It looked like a bomb had hit. Took them dang near a week to get it all back to normal. They closed the store for a day just to get it cleaned up enough to let people back in and they had a few places roped off for a few days while they fixed broken racks and stuff.
It was kind of incredible.”
This Person Has Seen It All
“I worked the service desk, so I dealt with/saw some of the most epic people of Walmart nonsense imaginable.
1. I had a couple of attempts to return a half-empty and exceptionally sticky bottle of KY because ‘It didn’t work, it still hurt when he put it in my butt.’ I stood there for a solid thirty seconds holding a half-used bottle of lotion that was bought and used to shove something up this woman’s butt before I regretfully informed them that I couldn’t possibly process this return. I handed them their goo back and then went to the bathroom to dry heave and wash my hands.
2. I had a middle-aged guy come in and ask for a paper job application because for whatever reason he didn’t feel comfortable using the online kiosk. Ok, whatever, it’s a slow night and I don’t have anything to do. I scrounged up a paper application and he started to fill it out at the desk. We shot the bull while he was filling it out; he was funny and we had the same taste in books. Once he got to the question ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony?’ He paused and asked me if he should answer that honestly. I told him yes, because if HR ran his name and found something then he would be ineligible for hire since he lied. He then proceed to tell me he had been convicted of a felony. I shrugged. Whatever, dude. Welcome to the Walmart freak family, homie. ‘And it was a s*x crime’, he says. ‘Well, crimes.’ At this point, I take a step back. ‘Oh, don’t worry, I only violated guys so you’re fine,’ he said and calmly went back to filling out his application as my eyebrows met my hairline.
3. We had a customer, we called her Huffy because she would come in and huff the aerosol dust remover that people use to clean their keyboards, get high, and then pass out in the bathroom for a few hours. I should also tell you that at the end of our parking lot was a small grassy median, and on the other side of the median is a Burger King. Remember this note.
Well, management and loss prevention got tired of ol’ Huffy coming in and stealing dust remover and taking up valuable bathroom space. So the next time she came in a manager and a loss prevention associate was on her like flies on a cow patty. Somehow, that wily ol’ Huffy was able to partake in a few cans of dust remover before the two associates moved in. Once Huffy saw two employees walking towards her she took off, with Walmart’s best-giving chase. I’m not sure why they chased her honestly. It was probably a slow day for them. The electronics worker who saw this all go down got on his walkie and radioed us up at the front, ‘Things are going down and it’s moving towards you.’
I didn’t have anybody at the desk so I moved out on the floor just in time to see Huffy and the two associates streak through the doors like bats out of heck. I ran to the door because I am not one to miss a freak show. I saw Huffy get in her car and make a break out of the parking lot, clipping two cars as she made her escape, leaving two winded Walmart workers watching her drive off into the sunset.
Now, believe it or not, someone who has just huffed two cans of dust remover isn’t the best driver. I watched the car start to swerve halfway down the parking lot, then straighten out as Huffy gassed it. She jumped the median and slammed her car through the back wall of the Burger King, coming to the stop in the vicinity of the kitchen. Hands down one of the better attempts to escape the long arm of the Walmart law I’ve seen.”
Whacked Out In The Walmart
“Lord have mercy, the day I met the craziest addict lady…
Okay. So. Your typical trip to Wal-Mart turned into not-so-typical for me. I’m halfway through the vegetable aisle, near shopping completion, and there’s this lady neck-deep in the potato bag bin. I offered to help reach down and grab a bag for her (thinking this tall bin must be empty), when she suddenly pops her head out with pupils as big as dinner plates. ‘Oohhhh! Nope! I got this! I do it all the time, all the TIME,’ she says back. Turns out, upon closer inspection, the bin was near capacity and she was leaning half her body into it for no reason. Her face had to of been touching the potato bags.
I politely nod and continue, but now I’m helplessly curious as to the way this woman started trotting off with her own grocery cart (and she never grabbed any potatoes). She was SO HIGH that her whole body literally just writhed and spasmed in her arms, and her torso leaned this way and that at the same time. She was a MESS of sores all over her face. I was stunned. It was VERY difficult not to stare.
Moments later in the freezer section, here she comes, the crazy lady. She came zipping around the corner and bolted past me down the aisle, let’s go of her cart (which crashed into a glass freezer door that luckily didn’t break), opened a random freezer door, and stuck her head inside. My jaw hung open at the ridiculousness. ‘How could I be the only one here to witness this?!’ I thought to myself.
I walked up behind her and gently tapped on her back. I startled her so badly she bashed her head on a freezer rack and leaned way back out of the freezer with wild eyes, her fingers curling onto the sides of the open door. Cold steam poured out around her. ‘Yes?’, she asked completely out of breath, and by now I’m seeing the sweat pouring off her face and down her neck. ‘Are you okay?’, I asked. ‘Bahahaha, yeah. It’s so freakin’ HOT in here. God!’, she announced loudly. ‘Not really. But maybe you should go rest for a bit.’, I suggested. She just laughed and ducked back into the freezer.
By now, I’m completely weirded out and thinking about informing the management, but I instead went about my business. I just wanted away from her.
No such luck. The last item I needed was cat food and I’m in that aisle now when she, again, appears. This time her cart, which was previously loaded with stuff, is nowhere in sight. Down the aisle she comes, arms flailing like she’s being chased by bees. (I’m not exaggerating. It was nuts.) Luckily, I had an old lady also in the aisle with me. Old lady and I both stop and give Crazy Lady room because her arms are all over the place. We both stare incredulously at her as she bends down, stands up, bends down, stands up, over and over and over, inspecting cat treats.
It gets worse.
Craziness literally scoops up a bag finally and we think she’s done. Nope. She starts opening up the packet of cat treats. ‘Um. Ma’am? That’s…’, the older woman started to say, but it was too late. She was eating them! ‘Sweetie. That’s cat treats.’, I say. I get a dirty look from her, and then she spits out her chewed-up treats right on the floor, and then she just sits down right where she was standing. She even sat in the cat food spit!
‘Go get someone. I’ll stay with her,’ the older woman says. So I go. I tracked down a manager in the back storeroom, and when we got back we found the older woman watching this crazy woman tossing clothes around (a crowd was now gathering).
Soon after, a nearby officer swung by and placed her under arrest. She kicked and shouted the WHOLE WAY OUT.
Narcotics are insane, and I witnessed their effects first-hand.”
She Saw A Bear In Walmart?!
“Well… I saw a giant teddy bear…..walking.
Let me explain better, so Walmart got these huge teddy bears, they were very big like much taller then me so I would say 6-foot tall teddy bears. Anyways Dawson and I were going to get one because i love teddy bears, especially if it’s much bigger than me.
So as we were making our way towards the section we see a giant walking teddy bear coming towards us, Dawson and I look at each other not knowing what to think, he casually herds me behind him. Pfft like the teddy bear could hurt me! Soon the teddy bear started moving faster, we started moving backward, soon it broke out into a run and we turned and ran, for what reason I don’t know we just ran.
Soon I stopped and said ‘Why are we running from a teddy bear, it’s not real.’ I then spun around and jumped on the teddy bear. When we fell I heard a satisfying groan from behind it. Then a ‘ Jade get off!’ I knew that voice anywhere it was my brother. Curious on how he knew I was here I got off and said ‘How did you know where I was?’
He reached around me and snatched my phone. ‘I tracked it’ I groaned he tends to do that a lot when trying to find me when I don’t answer his calls after 4 times.’Then I saw this teddy bear and thought to scare ya’
I scoffed ‘Scare who me?! Nah the sissy was Dawson’ Dawson huffed and crossed his arms. I then took the teddy and we checked out, after stuffing it into the car we went home. Let me tell you it was hard to stuff that thing into a jeep. But we managed.
Turns out if you see a giant teddy bear at Walmart chasing you, just look behind it, there is bound to be someone behind it.”
The Bumblebee Lady
“Former Walmart employee from Florida checking in.
Walmart was my first job at 18, and as with most new employees, I got stuck with the lousy third shift for the first few months. As a cashier on the third shift, my job was mostly to stay awake and zone my area. Staying awake was almost never an issue, though, because at precisely 1:30 am I would get The Bumblebee as a visitor.
The Bumblebee was an old, old, old woman wearing a bee Halloween costume. Stinger, wings and everything. She was never outrageous in her behavior, she never purchased anything weird, she was just a bee and I never asked why.
When I got moved off of the third shift, they stuck me in the spirits aisle. That was fine once I got used to the regulars, like the guy who would dump an entire bag of change on the counter and ask ‘How much do I have? How much can I get?’ and would sometimes ride his bike into and through the store because he ‘didn’t feel like stopping.’
I lived in a real redneck area, so there was a guy who would ride his horse up to the store to buy his 99 Bananas and then ride home. I always felt bad for the horse cuz it looked hot and tired, but I guess the guy’s license had been taken away years before so riding a horse is the way to go if you’ve got one too many tickets.”
Now, The Chicken Man
“I used to work as a customer service supervisor at Walmart for a few years after I graduated high school. I honestly probably have hundreds of stories but for some reason, the only one coming to mind at the moment is the chicken man.
Walmart has a hot food bar, and one particularly busy night we get a man who comes to customer service with a large bag from the hot bar. He demands a full refund. I ask him what the problem is and he starts yelling that our chicken is the worst thing he’s ever tasted and he can’t believe we would sell something so dry and inedible. He claimed we are a rip-off and we should have our food license revoked. I calmly apologize for his experience and say I would gladly issue the refund. He hands me the large bag and it’s completely empty.
Me: ‘Sir, where is the chicken?’
Him: ‘Well, I ate it all.’
Me: ‘I thought it was inedible?’
Him: Dead silence.
Facepalm. So he’s telling me he wants a refund on the inedible chicken that he ate? I denied his refund and sent him on his way.”
Guess The State…
“Oh God…here we go.
During a dark time in my life many years ago, I stocked a Walmart working overnights. Now, daytime Wal-Mart is weird enough, but nighttime Wal-Mart might as well be the Twilight zone.
There are a lot of stories, but one that stands out is one night around 3 am, I’m helping stock the health and beauty aisles. If you ever shop a Walmart you also know this is where the lotion, Trojans, pregnancy tests, etc are kept.
I’m rounding the corner to move into this aisle when I hear hushed but slightly panicked voices. Now, the adult stuff is a high-theft area, so I listen thinking someone is trying to jack some pregnancy tests. What I heard went beyond normal Wal-Mart tomfoolery.
The last thing I heard before coming into view was ‘You better not be, mom and dad will kill the both of us.’ I come around to see a male and female teenager stop dead and look at me white as ghosts. They have similar hair color and skin complexions…and well, given what was said between them it’s fair to assume they were brother and sister, and in the sister’s hands were several boxes of pregnancy tests. They just walk away silently after seeing me.
Yep, total Roll Tide moment at Wal-Mart.”
Mike Plays A Prank
“The time frame was maybe about 2015. My good friend Mike is always up for a good joke. We were in Walmart and I found a cute pair of jeans I wanted to try on. We walked over to the dressing room area and there were no Walmart associates in sight. We rang the customer buzzer at the dressing booth desk; however, no one responded. Five minutes later, we rang the buzzer for help once again. After continuing to wait and no one responding; Mike finally flagged down an associate who could locate someone else to come and help us. I just wanted to try on a pair of jeans; not spend my entire evening at Walmart.
While getting tired of waiting, Mike and I discussed how rotten it was to have to wait this long. We decided we were going to pull a prank on whoever showed up. We decided to do the bathroom prank that his 80-year-old mom loves to pull. Mike then threw about 20 extra pieces of random clothing into our shopping cart. Within five minutes or so, an associate, a large woman in her forties, whose high-water pants looked like they were being eaten up by her own butt, (some people should just never wear pants) finally showed up.
She informed us about the limit of five garments that could be taken into the dressing room stall. We told her that was not a problem and we’d just pick out a few from our shopping cart. Mike began sorting through the random clothing and pretended to be as indecisive as possible while I pretended to fidget and mention a few times that I needed to use the restroom. This took us a few minutes; just enough to delay the associate like we had been delayed.
We finally selected five clothing items and I headed to the dressing room. Mike purposely called out after me right in front of the associate to remind me to come out to model the clothes for him. He did this to establish our communication method – yelling. The associate used her pass-key to let me enter into the changing stall and then she shut the door. While Mike waited and I began changing in the stall; the associate began to quietly sort through clothing that had been prior dressing room try-on rejects.
I tried on the jeans first and darned if they hadn’t looked better on the hanger. I yelled out to Mike, ‘Strike One, the pants don’t work!’ I then put my own jeans back on and dropped the try-on jeans and the other four pieces of random clothing onto the floor of the dressing booth stall. The prank then begins.
‘Mike, Mike, I can’t seem to find any toilet paper in here!’ MIke told me later that the associate’s eyebrows immediately went up, then her head snapped, she stopped sorting clothes and began rushing towards the door of my dressing stall.
Mike quickly yells back at me, ‘What? What kind of store doesn’t put toilet paper in their stalls? Do I need to go get you some toilet paper! I yelled right back, ‘I can’t believe they don’t have toilet paper in here!’ The associate lady begins speaking loudly at me through the stall door. ‘Ma’am, ma’am you need to come out of there!’
Mike yells back to me, ‘Honey! Honey, what aisle do they sell toilet paper in?’ Of course I yelled back to him, ‘How am I supposed to know what aisle they keep toilet paper in? I still got four items here! Oh, oh, oh, never mind! It’s too late now!’
The associate jammed her key into the booth door while yelling out to me, ‘Ma’am, ma’am, you need to come out of the booth… right now!’ Just as she yanked the door open, I looked her right in the eyes and calmly stated, ‘Like I said, it’s okay now! I decided that I could hold it after all.’
The associate stood in the open dressing room stall door with her mouth hanging wide open. I gingerly picked up my purse, squeezed past her and walked out of the stall. Mike and I abandoned our shopping cart right there. As Mike and I slowly walked our way out of the Walmart, we were chuckling all the way.”