A support group for people with body deformities (such as amputations, severe scarring, disfigurations, etc) kicked out a participant, referred to as Ashley, because they suspected she didn’t have any severe body deformities and thought she was only there so people could compliment her and make her feel pretty.
The person who is in charge of the group, throwawayladyluck, went to reddit to explain their story because they got in trouble for kicking them out and were wondering if they were the jerk in this situation.
They wrote that they noticed that “There wasn’t anything visibly ‘wrong’ with Ashley, but we didn’t give it much thought since in some cases the scarring or whatever else can be hidden underneath clothes.”
When it was her turn to talk during the meeting, Ashley was always very vague about what her body deformity was and would just say she felt disgusted with her body. Throwawayladyluck knew that some people need time to be able to directly address their body issues but they had their suspicions something was wrong when Ashley showed up to a meeting wearing a crop top and short shorts. That kind of outfit isn’t exactly appropriate for this kind of support group. And with that much skin showing, the reddit user was wondering what exactly Ashley’s deformities were.
Now more curious about what Ashley was seeking help for, Throwawayladyluck tried to ask her what her deformities were, specifically. But Ashley avoided the answer and would just repeat how she was disgusted with her body. They were still suspicious but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, there could be some scars or deformities that are still hidden but are constantly bringing Ashley’s self-worth down.
But then the other participants started coming up to Throwawayladyluck and were confused by Ashley’s presence during the meetings. Realizing this was affecting other people’s healing process, they approached Ashley before a meeting to voice her concerns. Ashley was offended and voiced her complaints as well saying, “Whenever I would speak up negatively about my body, you would never counter me with a compliment, you would just stay silent or tell me some ‘mumbojumbo’ about how it takes time to come to terms with it.” The Reddit user asked Ashley one final time what her body deformities were. Ashley, again, refused to answer, so they felt they had no choice but to kick her out of the group.
But now, Throwawayladyluck is getting in trouble with the co-runner of her group for kicking out someone looking for support because they didn’t look “disabled enough.”
What do you guys think? Did they assume too much about Ashley? Or was Ashley abusing a space that others rely on for healing?